Happy Birthday BOY!

It's hard for me to believe that 9 years ago this little boy was born.  I still remember the anticipation of his arrival.  The fear and anxiety.  And the joy and peace.  9 years ago, I became a Mother, to the most wonderful little boy a Mom could hope for.  He has blessed me with challenges.  With laughter.  With awesome stories.  With patience.  With bravery.  With humility.  With love.  With hope.  With dreams.  With more than I could have ever hoped for.  

I am not sure where the last 9 years went.  Today I wondered how fast the next 9 years would go.  Maybe if I am lucky time will slow down.  Maybe I will remember to take the time to cherish each day a little more.  *I hope!*

 Being Mom to this little boy is the biggest blessing ever.  He is loyal.  He is fiercely independent.  He loves to laugh.  He is great at snuggles.  He loves green, tae kwon do, all things silly, cats, his sister, his dogs, his Dad, and me, he loves life and sees the excitement everywhere he goes.

He loves school.  He loves learning new things.  I love watching his brain work.  It always amazes me how much he really understands.

 He is kind.  He tries to be kind to everyone.  He is sensitive to other people's feelings.  He love Jesus, and Heavenly Father.  And he bears the best testimonies.

 He appreciate my cooking.  Poor kid.  And always tells me it's delicious.

 He's a miracle in my life.  He makes me a better person.  I am in awe of the way this little man is growing up.  

He's not perfect.  But he's sweet.  He loves me.  He's the best boy I could ever wish for.  How blessed I am to be your Mommy!  Happy 9th birthday boy!  Love you.

Sometimes it still hurts.

My baby is 7 1/2.  Do you know what that means?  It has been since June of 2003 that I was pregnant.  Sometimes that makes me hurt.  Everywhere.  It's been a long time since I learned we were done adding children to our family, and I know we made the right choice.  But it doesn't take it all away.

One thing I hate about moving.  People always ask about why we have two children and why we don't have more.  My Little Man took fertility drugs to get here.  That felt so hard at the time.  Then Little Miss came on her own.  Our little miracle girl.  She was an answer to a prayer offered one year before.  I never imagined when I was a little girl that my time to have children would be so short.  That my life would be vastly different from the one I had imagined.  When people ask I have to figure out the right response.  Appropriate or not.  We try all the time.  We're done, I'm fixed.  No, we don't like children.  We keep praying for a miracle.  Hmmm.. we hadn't even thought about that.  And my list goes on and on.  I really don't mind people asking.  But sometimes I cry when they ask.  Then they feel awkward.. I feel stupid.  Sometimes I act quite callous about it.  Sometimes it comes out of me like I am a machine.  Sometimes it comes out with sadness, but the tears stay away.  And sometimes I can't answer.

Sometimes it just hurts.  But most of the time I am able to look at what I do have, the opportunities we have because of the size of our family, and the blessings we have.  Would I have made the choice?  Nope.  But it works.  It's all I know.  My husband and my two wonderful children.  The pain comes when I least expect it.  The tears come when I think I am over it.  And then I remember how blessed I am to be HERE to be there Mom.  How grateful I am to be HERE and able to raise them.

Easing My Heart

This speaks to my heart. Life doesn't always go as you plan. And sometimes it feel harder than you can imagine. And lately it's been hard. This poke to my soul. My heart heard this. And a message I have always known hit me and comforted me in a time when I have needed it. I have felt broken. I still do. But I know that through Christ it will change. What a wonderful reminder.

Oh Yeah..

My camera.. it arrived.  And I love it so much that I am lacking in my ability to post.  I pretty much want to make out with it, I love it that much.  But I am restraining myself.  But this picture is from my first shoot with my new camera.  For other photo geeks this was taken at ISO 800 f 2.0 and 1/100 with my 50mm 1.4
There is no grain.  I am in love.  I shot some at ISO 1000 no grain.  It is amazing.  And I plan on hanging out with my lovely camera a whole lot more.  If you need me look for my camera, I am sure I will be with it.

Not Patient

I am not patient.  Not at all.  I know this.  I have come to accept this.  And such is life.

Last Wednesday I ordered this to go with my camera collection.  I ordered and added a rush delivery for it to be delivered on Friday.  It didn't happen.  Somehow the shipping was screwed up and it didn't ship until Friday.  And it is coming today.  FINALLY.  It has felt like forever.  I am so giddy and not patient.  I keep staring out the window for the UPS man to get bring me my lovely package.  Maybe.. just maybe it will be here before lunch.

So I am sitting here editing.  Being very inpatient and waiting for the brown truck to pull up my street and park at the end of the culdesac to come see me.

Pomeroy Fair 2010

In September of 1997 I went to the fair.  This is one of the only pictures I have from the fair.  Me in my AWESOME FFA jacket with my steer that I wanted to kill.  He was mean, I didn’t like him.  I was glad that someone was going to eat him.  I would have killed him myself if I would have been given the opportunity, but I wasn’t.  This was the last time I attended the Pomeroy Fair, for over a decade.  That makes it sounds like a really long time.  Today however I changed that.  I decided my kids need to learn a little bit more about where I am from and what I love.  So off to Pomeroy we went.  Things I love about Pomeroy, after all this time, it is still the same fair I went to 13 years ago.  And it makes my little heart happy.  It makes me a little nostalgic.  I love Pomeroy.  The slower pace of life.  The familiarity everywhere you go.  And the small town life.  I was so excited to share this with my kids today.

First off, how many fairs can you go to and let your kids run around without feeling like you have to watch them like a hawk?  This was the first one my kids had ever experienced, it was great for them, and me.  The kids took off to explore and came back with their faces painted.

My Little Miss, the pink cat.  She was thrilled.  Me, I am not really that into face paint.  But this was about them, so whatever.  And really, I don’t think it looks much like a cat.  She loved it and that is what matters.Little Man.  Where’d he go?  Where’d he go?  Okay, enough stupid humor.  I think it’s awesome he is camo man.  Love the serious look dude.  I bet no one is going to mess with you.Then the face paint was itchy.. so he took it off.  And somehow he got two dollars.  He had been telling us how he wanted to win a fish.  We told him no.  He took his two dollars and won two fish.  AWESOME.  We don’t have a fish tank.. or bowl.  Heck, my house is completely torn apart right now, we need two fish.  We now have a bowl and two fish.  He is thrilled.  Me.. we’ll see how long they live.
See the tiny fish.  He loves them.The fair was awesome.  It is little.  It is fun.  It is everything I hoped it would be for my kids and my little family.  I was able to see many people I love and haven’t seen in years.  I loved every minute.  And so did my family.  In fact they are already talking about next year.  I think we just started a tradition for our family.  We loved the simpleness of it.   It’s small, quaint, and simple.  The way a good fair should be.

Make You Over Blog

I love makeovers!  They are always so exciting, and I love to see the end results.  I am so excited to be working with the Make You Over Blog for their upcoming Teen Make Over.  You should go check it out.

They have done great things in the past and I am sure that this time will not be any different.  Chelsea does an amazing job coordinating and working with everyone.  I am so excited to see what happens.

Nominate, vote, and watch it all happen!

Way behind

So we bought a house.  And I was going to go back and blog so it was all in the right order.. but I don't have time for that.  I can't be living in the past pretending it is the now.  So you will get random stuff in whatever order I remember it.  And that is awesome right?  Because I am random.

Here goes.. We bought a house.  Oh wait I said that already.  And it needed some updating.  Or a LOT of updating.  It all depends on who you ask.  If you ask me.. a lot.  Randy.. a little.  I was right.  He was wrong.  Anyway.  We bought a house on 1/2 an acre because we wanted room.  I love the yard and the location.

Five days after moving into said house the fridge that was left in the house (AKA Demon Fridge) decided to shoot water out of it for a very long time while I was gone.  Awesome right?  I came home to two inches of water in my kitchen and dining room, and water leaking into the basement.  I kinda panicked.  In case you have forgotten I am SERIOUSLY allergic to mold.  (Remember Indiana)  I kind of freaked out.. a lot.  It was awesome.  I called our lovely insurance company and they came out and they dried it out and pulled apart some things, but the water damage to my kitchen was extensive.  I will be honest I cheered.  My floors are a beautiful (ha!) hunter green linoleum and my cabinets are oak and my counters are mint green, with fabulous almond appliances.  Jealous?  You should be.  Want to know why?  It was all ruined in the flood.  My insurance is giving me a brand new kitchen.  Someone up in heaven loves me and didn't want me to have such a hideous kitchen for long.  Okay so the appliances weren't ruined but they are gross so I am getting new ones.  But while we wait for this all to happen and everything to be done I am kind of living in chaos.  We are on week 3 since it happened, and we have at least 4-5 more weeks until it is all done.  Until then it is chaos with my house in shambles and under construction.

More good news.. the water went under my bathroom flooring which is hideous.  So it is all coming up.  And I will end up with three new bathrooms on top of the kitchen and dining room.  These are all projects we knew we needed to do, but weren't planning on doing them all in the first month.  But we are going to do everything my way.. hyper speed.

The kids love the house.  It is growing on me.  I will be honest it wasn't the house I was in love with.  I wanted to build.  Randy thought this was a better idea.. less work.  I am still giggling over that one.  But it will be fabulous once everything is done and the yard and the location make me very happy.  And no, I am not posting pictures.  Not until things are done.  Then you can see how bad it really was and how awesome it really is.  (Or will be) But I did take before pics.  And if you are local and don't believe me.. come on over and see for yourself.. like now.  I promise I am telling the truth.

Better School Pictures

For all my peeps who don't read my photog blog.. and aren't on facebook and aren't on the mailing list.. here you go.  I meant to post this sooner.  But I forgot.  And now there is only next Saturday open.. don't worry today was slammed as it was.
GO HERE and you will get all the info.

If you aren't interested that's okay.  I secretly love the crazy school pictures.  Just because I wonder what they did to make my child look like that.

It's ME!

I turned 30 this year.  I have often heard that 30 is the best age because you really know who you are or you start to.  And I am totally getting it.  And I am coming to get me and all that that embodies and I like it.  I like me.  Maybe that sounds conceited.  It’s not meant to. I think there is something to be said about being okay with yourself and who you are.  I realize that I am this crazy, happy, silly, bustin’ a move whenever I want to no matter who might be watching girl.  And my moves.. well they are so 1996.  But I am cool like that.

I have to give thanks to Misty for this picture of me.  We were talking about this picture and it is totally me.  Even the double chin I get when I laugh.  It’s glamorous.  :)  That girl you see, minus the big orange bag, is who I am all the time.  This is me downtown Seattle (I was there for WPPI road trip) shortly after I was bustin’ a move and then realizing that I was being watched by people inside a restaurant who were laughing at me.  It’s all good.  They are totally wondering where I got my crazy dance moves.  I am going to say it was from all of the Stake Dances I went to as a kid.  I totally passed the deacon two step and moved on to crazier moves.
So far I am totally digging 30.  I am okay with all the crazy things about me.  I talk fast and a lot.  I giggle when I probably should cry because I hate to cry.  I cry over stupid things like a Hallmark commercial and my husband laughs and looks at me and says really??  I pick up catchy phrases from fabulous friends.. (I know.. right?)  My husband can always tell who I have been around by how I talk.  I am quirky and goofy and not afraid to make a fool of myself.  I trip when I walk.. and fall when I shouldn’t.  And it’s okay.  Because it’s me.

And right now I am in the most fantastic stage of life.  My kids are super duper fun.  They make me laugh all of the time.  My husband.  *sigh*  He is my best friend and he makes me laugh harder than anyone.  My business is growing.  I am learning.  And I am so so so grateful for all of my blessings from my Heavenly Father.

BLAH!!

Okay, keeping up two blogs is totally hard for me.  I blog over at my photog blog a lot more than I blog here.  Sad huh?  And I keep trying to have two separate but it is hard.  So here is my dilemma.  What do you think I should do.  Have two?  Or one?  Do you read both of them or any of them?  Am I the only reader of my blog?

I love all the fabulous home decor blogs and how to make everything beautiful.  I think I am the only person who doesn't know how to do that or blog it.  But I am me.  With all my quirks.  And craziness.  Did you know I have been embracing the craziness about me.  For some reason it feels good to just be me and crazy.  I like it here.

So what do you think?  One or two?  Vote please.  Pretty, pretty please.

Better School Pictures

It's that time of year again and if you are in the Tri-Cities or surrounding area you don't want to miss my Better School Picture Special.  It is fabulous.  GO HERE and check it out.  :)  Happy Friday!

This Boy

He melts my heart.  Lately I have been realizing how grown up he really is.  He likes to tell me of his hopes and dreams.  And he is a dreamer like me.  He has grand plans and will tell you every last detail of them.  If you take the time to listen.  Sometimes in the rush of life I don't listen.  But I am trying to do better.  I don't want to miss one of his great ideas.  Because one day they are going to work out just as great as he planned and I want to be there to cheer him on.

And some days this boy reminds me of what a little boy he still is.  He's silly and funny.  He has the best giggle and still loves to snuggle with me every chance he gets.  Sometimes I can't believe I got so lucky.

For my Boy

Little man loves his dogs.  And he always wants me to get pictures of them.  These are for him.  

These are our guard dogs.  They look fierce right?

I am not sure I would even let my kids play in a yard with these beasts if this was the first picture I ever saw of them.

Good thing this is what I normally see.  The two dogs who would lick you to death. 

Skate Board!

Little Man was lucky.  He got a skate board.  He has been dreaming of one for a very long time.  And finally I decided to let him have one.  I figured his happiness was worth the risk of a broken bone or two.   And it might prove for a good photo op, so why not!

He was quick to jump on and go.  The last time I attempted a skate board I almost broke my ankle.  And that was back in High School!  He is good to wear his safety pads and helmet.  And he is wanting to get good enough to go to the local skate park.  I am not sure that is what I had envisioned, but whatever.  He is loving it and we have yet to go to the ER to have anything fixed.  That's pretty awesome if you ask me.

7

Doesn't she look more grown up?  I think she does and it freaks me out!  How did she get this big?  And this darn cute.  Because seriously, she has some major cuteness going on.  Lucky girl!

Little Miss was the lucky recipient of a new bike!  She was so very excited!

She also received new clothes and accessories.  She was more than happy to model.. as you can tell.

Happy Birthday Little Miss.  You are growing so fast!  How lucky I am to be your Mom.  I can't wait to see what this years holds for you.  

7 things about my 7 year old.

She is sweet and kind.

She loves to read.

She loves animals of all kinds, but especially cats.

She has a heart of gold.  I often wonder how I got so lucky.

She is mild and easy unless you cross her, then watch out.

She will melt you with her big blue eyes every time.  And she knows it.

She loves more fiercely than any other little girl I know.

Lucky me!  She's my girl.

Happy Birthday!!

Last day of 6

Some days they just grow up too fast.  And some days it feels like time can't speed up fast enough.  This girl is 6.  Just for another day.  That's something that makes me heart sad.  She is growing up so fast.  And it is hard for me to believe that my baby girl is going to be 7 in the morning.

Slow down baby girl.  You have all sorts of time to be a grown up.  But today I need you to stay my baby girl.

A Summer with Grandpa

My kids are loving that they get to spend the summer with their Grandparents, day in and day out.  Little Man in particular loves to do stuff with Grandpa, seeing as there are so many little girls everywhere he enjoys some man time.  Among their fun times together making Peach Ice Cream was a big hit.  We all loved it.  (You know that ice cream is my favorite food right?)  Grandpa's are the best.

LOVE

I have to admit, I am not much of a writer.  I write how I talk.  And when I talk I tend to ramble.  I try to think of interesting things to blog.. but then I move on because it can’t be that interesting.  And it would take forever to type it all out.  I guess that means I am a lazy blogger.  I’ll try to do better.  Really, I will.  I never know what people want to read about on my blog.  For me I always love the pictures on a blog.  So today I decided to include pictures of things I love.

Yesterday we went to the River to play with the kids and our big dogs.  I decided we should have a picnic too, or as much of a picnic you can have with two crazy Labradors running wild and crazy waiting for any morsel of food to drop, and the seagulls hovering over us too.  It was awesome.  Really, it was.

I decided to give up sugar, but only for like 11 days, because anything longer than that would be bad.  I would miss my little girl’s birthday cake.  So for 11 days I am cutting out sugar, meaning desserts.  I need to get off of it, it is my crack.  I think I need to go to Sugar Addicts Anonymous.  Randy brought home some delicious chocolate chip cookies for our picnic and I resisted.  Awesome will power right?  But they were good.  Really good.  See Little Miss, she was LOVING THEM.  Seriously this girl melts my heart.
And Little Man, this shot of him was between bites.  Notice the cookie crumbs.  Love this kid.  This is so him.I have two dogs in my home.  But this is my dog.  This is Sage.  I love her!  She is one of those happy, lazy dogs.  Everyone needs a dog like her.  I do love our other dog, but she isn’t lucky enough to be featured.  Maybe another day when I am feeling more generous.And lastly.  I love my Randy.  Chilling on a warm day in his brother’s backyard.  Love him.  Adore him.  He is always my biggest fan.  How great is that!! And that’s it.  There are several other things I love.  But I didn’t take pictures of all of those things yesterday.  Just these.  Love my life.

Thursday...

I got nothing.  But a picture.  Love the moment. Love the memories.  Love my life.

Memorial Day

I love Memorial Day.  And this year was especially fun.  We went to a Local Funeral Home, I know totally not my favorite place to hang out.  But they had a great celebration.  They had Yellow Balloons for everyone to write names on for our loved ones who had died.  My kids were excited to write on them and send them to heaven for their Grandpa.

They played the Star Spangled Banner.  I cried.  I cry every time I hear that song.  I love it.  I am so proud to live in the USA.  What a tremendous blessing.  And then we released our balloons with messages of love up to Heaven.  It was a peaceful and beautiful experience.  I loved watching them sail away into the sky.  

Check it!

I have been debating lots of things with my photography and I redid my price structure and what I am offering. I still want my digital files to be the mainstay of my business. I love giving my clients their files and letting them have them. But I added a few things. If you are looking for a fabulous deal check out my site and click on specials. I am doing a Fresh Faces campaign so if you are interested make sure you email or call me and we will get you booked!

Gratitude

I will admit that lately I am a big ball of stress. I go to bed stressed and wake up stressed. My dark brown hair will soon be white if I keep this up. So I need to chill. And take lots of big breaths, show my gratitude.

Today I am grateful for the beautiful rain. It clears up the ground, the greens are more vibrant. The earth just looks beautiful. The sound is peaceful to me, and reminds me of Indiana, which I miss.

Fear

There are few things in life that make your blood turn cold. The fear that overwhelms you, and challenges the life as you know it. Today I had that fear. My world stopped. My heart quit. I felt like I might just collapse and I didn't know how to fix it. A minute felt like a day. The fear was more than I could deal with.

This morning I shooed the kids out the door to school to catch the bus. I was in my sweats with my hair sticking up and in a nice fro. The thought crossed my mind to make sure they got on okay. But I looked at the driveway and knew that things would be okay. Mistake number one. I watched out the window for the bus and saw it go and knew that my kids were off to school. I guess I wasn't paying attention to the promptings of the Spirit. I wish I would have. Hindsight is always 20/20. I wish I listened to the promptings more often. It would have spared my the fear I had this morning.

I decided I should get ready for the day. But first I needed to see if I had any good emails. I didn't. But the sliding glass door opened, and there stood my son. Looking at me with his backpack on. He walked in and announced he missed the bus. Awesome. I asked him what he did, and he replied he hid behind the tree and missed the bus, he wanted to be a car rider. Really kid? You couldn't just tell me that, you had to miss the bus? He was sure he could play and have fun. And I told him there was no fun to be had, it was time to sit on a chair while I showered and got myself ready to get him to school. I thought about telling my parents he was here. But I didn't. I ignored that too. Mistake #2.

I showered quickly and got dressed, I didn't want to be a grungy Mom this morning. I was ready and then I peeked out to look at him, and didn't see him. I figured he had went upstairs to hang out with my parents and sister. But I wasn't sure, but I assumed. Mistake #3. I finished getting ready and then went upstairs realizing we had about two minutes to leave and asked my parents where he was. They looked puzzled and said they hadn't seen him at all. But they had heard a door shut. I think then might have been when my blood started to run cold. I ran through their 4,000 square foot home calling home, hoping he would pop his head out. But he didn't. I ran outside around their big yard. I screamed his name. I said a silent prayer that he would pop out his head. But I knew he wasn't here. I knew it.

I jumped in my van and drove around but panic was hitting. Fear was overwhelming and it was hard to breathe. My son was gone. I don't know that there is anything worse than that feeling of not knowing where your child is. I screamed his name. I cried in fear and I fell apart. I wish I could say I was calm under pressure, but my baby boy was missing and I had no idea where he might be. I called Randy, he dropped everything and came. After realizing it has been over thirty minutes I called the police. An officer showed up quickly and searched the house, I was right he was gone. They searched the yard. He was gone. They asked about school, I explained that school was over 4 miles away. He would have to walk on two VERY BUSY roads to get to school. I was sure he hadn't walked to school. The very thought terrified me for many reasons.

The police officer at the house was wonderful. He was kind and helpful and reassuring. He was sure we would find him. I was grateful for how calm he was. And the peace he brought. I knew we would find him, but I had no idea how long this was going to take.

The officer received a message from another officer. My son was at school. He was in class and safe. My heart skipped a beat. He was safe. He had went outside and caught the bus when it passed the house again. We went out to the school and hugged him and I cried some more. The police officers told him that they had eight patrols looking for him, and how he always needs to tell someone what he is doing. But he was safe. He wasn't harmed at all. I am grateful. My thoughts immediately turned to my lack of listening to the promptings this morning. I should have listened and not dismissed them. I should have been more aware. And next time I will be.

30!

Happy Birthday.. Happy, Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday.. to me!

I’m 30.

Today I woke up and helped get my children ready. One child made it one the bus. One child missed the bus.

Randy and I ate lunch together. Thank you Taco Time.

I picked the kids up from school and then it was off to Tae Kwon Do.

We celebrated with yummy ice cream cake.

And a delicious Costco-Asian dinner.

It was a busy day where I bustled around being Mom and getting things done. And I love every minute of it. And this picture is the best gift I could ever have, my kiddos, Randy and me.

Happy Birthday, to me!

Add me to your Reader!

I am so excited! I finally figured out how to add my photography blog to google reader, and since I know everyone is dying to do so too, I am sharing how to do it. Use this link, www.photographybyleeann.com/blog/?feed=rss2 and subscribe to all my updates. :) And don't forget to comment to. Share it with your friends. You know you want to! :)

Spring Specials

Just a quick little reminder that I am offering fabulous Spring Specials on Photography! Go HERE enter the site and click on specials to get all the info! Tell your friends too. There are a limited number of shoots available.

Quitter

I am a quitter. Normally I wouldn't admit that, much less broadcast it, because in most things I don't quit. But today I did. And I don't feel the least bit bad about it. My brother, and his wife and her sister are doing a sprint tri-athalon this July. They invited me to bike with them today. They planned to do 12-14 miles. I decided I could totally do that and agreed to go. Mind you it has been almost two years since I have actually ridden a bike.

I went. YAY me! I biked off road on this crazy trail where I was scratched by wild rosebushes. I went up and down over bumpy bumpy rocks, across a wobbly board/bridge thing. I wasn't super fast but I kept going. And then I saw a snake. Black and yellow and all creepy. CREEPY!!! I was done. Like so done. That pretty much ruined my ride. I was sure every stick I saw was then a snake. I don't like snakes at all. I freak out when I see a snake in a cage at the Zoo. They are lucky I didn't have a complete melt down. Instead, I quit.

I have no problem admitting that 4 miles of off road riding made me pretty tired. It was hard. But that snake. That snake was creepy. That snake ruined my ride. I'm a quitter. And I'm not ashamed.

And I was pretty wiped after 4. No one should try to do 12 when they haven't done any for almost two years. That was dumb.

Dear Sugar,

Today is day three. I win. You lose. I still have my Mother's Day Hershey's candy bar from Church. I don't plan on eating it. You can sit there and remind me that I am winning, you are losing. Neener Neener Neener.

Dear Blog,

My mind is so busy lately, that writing feels very difficult. I am never sure what to write about so I don't. But I like when I write more often, it helps me to remember things going on in my life, and also it is good therapy.

I am trying to be healthier. (30 is coming in 10 days!!) I am cutting out sugar. Well kind of. Not completely, but I am scaling way back. I am trying to work out consistently. Truth be told, I really don't like it. But I like being in good shape, and I have yet to find a magic way to be in shape and put in no effort. Running. I hate it. I am trying to tolerate it. I can now run just over two miles straight without stopping. (Stop the applause.) At least I am progressing, hopefully my body will quit jiggling so much when I run down the road. But until then, my apologies to those who see me. It ain't pretty.

I am turning 30. 30!!! Seriously how did this happen. Maybe it shouldn't be a big deal to me, but I am kind of freaking out. Just a teeny tiny bit. Seriously 30?!? I thought I would be all accomplished or something. Really in my teenage planned life I wasn't even supposed to be married until I was 30. No kids until 35. What a silly plan I had. I am determined to own 30, and rock it.

30. It's coming.

One

Today I ran ONE whole mile. I am so proud of myself. Really, I am. And I am laughing at how excited I am at my accomplishment of running one mile straight. But it's the little things in life right? After not running for over eighteen months, and not doing much at all in the last nine months I decided I was going to run today, and see if I could run a mile. I did. I didn't stop once. Now I have this grand idea of running more, and more, and more. At least I could do one. I don't think a bear would chase me that far.

Seniors 2011

Check out my photo blog and sign up to be a 2011 Senior Ambassador and get great pictures for a terrific deal, or maybe even free! Tell everyone you know! And if you refer a senior I use you will get a fun surprise too!

Adjusting

It's weird to be here. But yet very normal. I never expected to be back, but here I am.

We are so excited to be near our family. Although we still want to keep the priority on what is best for our own little family rather than being pulled in many directions. I think that is one lesson we learned well, and one we plan to hold near and dear. My kids, my husband, my family comes first. The needs of our family comes first, before we are running everywhere and not doing what we want to do as a family. A lesson learned, a lesson cherished, a lesson to be remembered.

Randy started work today at Smith Barney. He is so excited for all of the changes coming our way. Our life has definitely changed greatly, but we have been so blessed and guided throughout it all. Knowing that things are right has made everything so much easier.

We finally feel like the dust is starting to settle. The house in Indiana will close soon, and that will make it feel final.

It's a Giveaway!!

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Sold

After five weeks on the market our home has sold. I am feeling so blessed right now. We took a leap of faith and trusted in the Lord that He would make up the rest, and we have been blessed more than I can even imagine. My breathing did a major turn around. Randy has a wonderful job here. Our home is sold. I am so aware of the Lord's hand in our life.

This hasn't all been easy. There have been many tears shed over this. I have moments of fear, doubt, discouragement, and wondering if we were doing what was right. But those moments were outweighed by peace, comfort, calmness and the sweet assurance of the Spirit. My Faith is stronger. I know that the Lord is aware of us, he cares about the small things, and the big things.

Our home is sold. My husband and I will reunite next week. Our family will be together again in a week. My life will begin to feel somewhat normal again with him. I am so very grateful for our blessings.

Happy Happy Happy Happy Birthday!

Happy Happy Birthday Randy!

I hate that I am 2000+ miles away on his birthday. But here I sit.

Today I have thought about him all day, and why I love him so much.

=I love the way he makes me feel=

=I love his laughter=

=I love how much he loves his family, we never doubt our importance=

=I love that he is such a hard worker, all of the time=

=I love that he gets me=

=I love his eyes=

=I love his gentle nature=

=I love that he is my best friend, always=

=I love the fantastic father that he is=

=I love the righteous Priesthood holder that he is=

=I love how passionate he is=

=I love everything about him=

Happy Birthday to the Love of my Life.

Blessings

Sometimes.. okay.. MOST of the time life doesn't go as planned. The neat little box that we packaged our life in, in our mind is rarely the way life goes. We are thrown curve balls. Things change and we have to adjust and change our course to adapt to these new changes. I sit here in my parents basement and contemplate the changes in my life over the last several years. And while my life has not went as I planned. I am feeling immensely grateful tonight.

Moving to Indiana was hard. I missed my family and my home. But I met great friends. I had wonderful neighbors who became a part of my daily life. And we were so immensely blessed by the people we met there, and by the experiences our own little family had there. I had someone ask me why I thought we went there if we were just going to move again two years later. I don't have the answer. But I know it was the right thing for our family. I loved Randy before we went there. I have multiplied that by one million after living there. I didn't know it was possible. Our family benefited from it in ways I couldn't even imagine. And I see the many blessings. I met people I will always call a friend and I will always love there. I had one of the hardest battles with my health. And I learned. The Lord is always aware of us. Even when we feel invisible to Him, He knows what we need more than we do.

Moving away from Indiana is hard. I miss my friends. I miss my home. I miss my RANDY. I didn't know it would feel so hard moving away. But leaving people I love is always hard. I am grateful for the blessings we have had since moving. My breathing is like a million times better and improving daily. That is huge for me. My kids are grateful for a functional Mom again. I am grateful for going all day today without using my inhaler once. Randy will be joining us in twelve days. I cannot wait. And he isn't going back to Indiana. He has a job here! What a blessing for our family, to be together.

I have heard of trials and heartache so much lately. And I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves ME, and knows ME. He blesses me with what I need, even when I am sure I do not need it. He blesses me with trials that with Him I can do. And when I look at those who are suffering much harder trials I am reminded of the blessings I have. To be grateful for what I have and trust in Him. His plan is right. Even when it is hard.

Home

Is going to be here, in Washington. Right where we are right now. Randy will get here on the 9th of April, and I cannot wait. Prayers have been answered and we are feeling very blessed and also very guided by the Lord. Now sell house.. sell!!

Better.. but not.

Did you know that it is possible to feel a ton better, but not at the same time? It is. For the last let's say 10 months or so I have felt like junk day in and day out. I don't think I realized how badly I felt until now. Life becomes normal and you adjust to that new normal. And you forget how good the old good felt. It slips away and you don't remember it anymore.

I was thinking today as I was running down a driveway that I love and breathing in the fresh spring air how different life felt at the moment, and how very normal my life felt. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed just being outside and doing little things like running down a drive way. Taking a long walk and talking the whole time. Carrying multiple loads of laundry up and down the stairs. Laughing without coughing. Not using my inhaler at least hourly, well above the amount prescribed. Living life and enjoying it. Not just getting by. I forgot how good it felt to be normal and to not think about breathing. I forgot how good it felt to be me.

I am so much better.. but not. My health has improved leaps and bounds. I am so very grateful to my Heavenly Father for this blessing, and I am grateful for a husband who realized the necessity of this hardship in our life. But I miss him. I miss waking up next to him with his arms wrapped around me. I miss the playful poking. I miss his comforting hugs that always assure me it will be okay. I miss his smile. I miss his laughter. I miss his eyes which see deep into my soul. I miss our lunch time together. I miss our Friday afternoon dates, although those have been pretty lame thanks to me, they normally consisted of just hanging out at home together. I miss snuggling while watching TV. I miss our talks lying in bed late at night. I just miss him. I miss his smell. I miss my Randy. It's only been one week, and I have to keep doing this. What is good and right doesn't always equal easy or fun. Right now it is hard and lonely. No one can make up for the spot Randy has in my heart. He trumps them all.

But breathing easier is a blessing that I am so very grateful for. I feel more me than I have in a very long time. It doesn't take everything I have to get the necessities done during the day. I have energy and the breathing capacity to play outside with my kids. To be the Mom I want to always be. To be the person I want to be. And to be the wife I want to be. I have learned how vital my breathing really is for me and my well being. (Okay so it is to everyone, not just me.) But I can really see the difference. I didn't realize how much I had changed and let my stupid asthma control and define my life. I hate that. And I don't want it to be what rules my life. I am grateful for the dry desert climate. It was made for me.

Here

Only 11 days after my last blog post am I finally surfacing and waving my hands frantically to acknowledge I am here. Driving across the country was an adventure. I took pictures, but my computer is still in the box, and I am too lazy to plug it in. So I am blogging from my parents and I don't feel like uploading pictures on to here right now. Maybe those will come later. Maybe not.

Friday March 5th we got up, packed the last minute things and hit the road with donuts and juice. I managed to hold it together as we drove away. I had done my fair share of blubbering the night before I guess. It was a very surreal thing to leave Indy. I didn't realize how much it was home to me, and how weird it really would be to leave it. Maybe it wouldn't have felt so hard if my best friend was moving with me, but he wasn't. At least not yet. We managed to drive for fourteen hours, and made it half way though Nebraska. The drive was uneventful, and time felt like it was flying by.

On Saturday we left Nebraska and drove the rest of the way to Utah. Let's just say this about Wyoming.. if you have ever run on a treadmill and you hate it the whole time, don't drive through Wyoming. It is like a really really bad treadmill that you can't get off of. I was so over the drive, and it seemed to go on, and on, and on. We were so happy to pull into the State of Utah!! The mountains, the familiar scenery, it finally started to feel like we were making progress. We made it down the mountain, stopped at Cafe Rio for food, and then went to Randy's Grandma's house.

This is where our trip got interesting. We pulled into Grandma's house and Randy is backing our van and trailer up and he hears a Gug-gug-gug sound. Lovely right? It always warms my heart when cars make noises that they shouldn't. Realization set in that our Dodge Grand Caravan was going through Transmission #2. The last one was put in 16,000 miles ago. And the stupid van only has 76,000 miles on it. We were grateful for the tender mercy of it stopping in the driveway, not in Wyoming on the bad treadmill. We felt blessed. My initial reaction was laughter. A lot of laughter. It didn't really stop either. We prayed over our Cafe Rio and I prayed for it to be stolen.. yep that's right I prayed for someone to steal my van. (It didn't happen in case you were wondering.) And I laughed. My friend Kelli thankfully was there laughing right along with me. I am not sure how that night would have went without her, and I am grateful for my 'twin' keeping me laughing.

Sunday we stayed in Utah. Remember the van was broken. Thankfully Randy's cousin Kevin and his wife Rachel and there family welcomed us into their home. Thank you!! We were blessed with laughter, friendship, and great food.

Monday we stayed in Utah. The van was finally in the shop with a really broken transmission. We went to Temple Square and visited with family. And Randy's Grandma kindly offered to allow us to take her pickup the rest of the way. Thank you Grandma.

Tuesday morning we left. And our adventure continued. Not long after getting on the 215 our trailer unhitched itself. Yep, you read that right, our trailer was unhitched going down the freeway. Thankfully my husband is a smart man and chained the trailer also to our pickup like you should, and so the trailer stayed with the pickup. But the trailer looked like a bucking bronco. It was the craziest, scariest, funniest thing I have ever seen. Too bad we didn't get that on video. We stopped and the trailer stopped and nothing was damaged, and we counted our blessings.

We continued on our way and it was raining. We watched the rain turn to snow, and ice. The roads went from wet, to slush, to snow, ice and slush. It was another adventure. A pickup passed us and flew off the road right after passing us. We felt blessed that we were safe. Eventually we were out of the poor weather and driving the rest of the way home. We arrived safely. That night we said many prayers of gratitude for our safety, for the trailer and the pickups safety and that while it wasn't the easiest road we traveled we were safe.

The kids are enrolled in school. The dogs (did I mention the dogs were with us this whole trip, because they were) survived. The weather has been gorgeous. My pulmonary functions have jumped to a normal range for the first time in over a year! We have been blessed to have an abundance of family welcoming us. We have many friends we have yet to see, we will soon! We are adjusting. But I am missing my best friend. Randy left yesterday back to Indiana. It hurt to have him fly away. But I know it is short. The Lord has a plan. We just have to wait. We're here.

Time to go

I should be gathering things and getting everything ready. But instead here I sit. Thinking. Freaking out. Not feeling ready. But knowing it is time. I remember the first time I came to Indy. I wasn't sure what I thought. I was excited, but so scared of moving here. And here I am moving back home and I feel those same feelings. I am sad to leave. I have so many wonderful friends and I am so sad to say good bye to them. Thankfully we have Facebook and email to keep in touch. But I am really going to miss everyone here. I have been blessed to make so many wonderful friends here.

Today I need to pick up the trailer. Pack the stuff to go to my parents house. (That's right I still haven't packed any of that.) Get all the laundry done. Make sure my home is ready to sell in a second. Have everything tidy and make sure that it will be simple for Randy to keep up easily. And I want to have lunch with friends. And my husband needs to come home from Chicago, that's right he has been gone since Tuesday. We are leaving in the morning and my list seems like it might take until morning. I am still trying to get all my base boards washed in my home. We'll see if I get that all done or leave that for Randy. Or anyone who is just bored.

Indiana.. it's a love hate thing. Love the people. Love the area. Hate the allergies.

5 Days

Today was a hard one. On the way to Church I was teary, I realized today was the last time that Randy, the kids and I would all be attending our home ward together for who knows how long. Next week we will be in Salt Lake City for Church, and then the next week I will be in WA, and he will be flying home. It made me sad. I think it set the tone for the day.

I was released from the organ. The Bishop told me, and as soon as he did I burst into tears. I hate doing that but I was on the verge already. And then I had people talk to me after Sunday School and before Relief Society started. Let's just say I cried through the opening hymn of Relief Society. I hadn't had the chance to tell everyone before that we were leaving, and so it was a shocker for some. And I looked around this Ward I have only been attending since September and I felt such a sadness to leave it. I always say a Ward is a Ward. But this one it's a real good one. Different than many I have been in. There is something about it that makes me so sad to leave it. Maybe it is because Randy is staying in it and I am not. It made me cry to leave. It was hard to say goodbye to so many people that we love. We only see them on Sunday but they have touched our lives for good. It broke my heart when my friend Nikki hugged me and cried as hard as I was crying. I hate crying but it always helps when you aren't alone in it. Makes me feel less crazy at least. My eyes hurt after Church. I hate that feeling too. I left Church feeling loved and knowing it would be okay. And knowing I was leaving behind great people.

My neighbors have vowed to see me as much as they can these next five days. We chatted today and I told them we weren't talking about this week. I was over crying and my eyes still hurt. Things I have realized I am good talking to my friends and people until I know it is the last time I am going to see them. The last time breaks my heart. If you don't want to see me cry, don't let me know it is the last time before I move.

I am feeling very optimistic tonight. I am grateful for friends who hug me and tell me I am doing the right thing and show their confidence in me. I need it right now. Because as much as I know that, it is still hard. And my friends getting that we have to do this helps so much. This isn't the path we would choose, but we don't always get to choose our paths in life.

Reality

This morning reality is setting in. I am leaving here. My kids are going with me. And Randy is going to continue to live here. I bought his one way plane ticket back here and it made me want to throw up. I hate the thought of him being here and me being there. It isn't the way life is supposed to be. And I feel selfish for choosing breathing. I know it is right but Randy is my better half. Without him I am not complete. And my kids. I worry so much about how this is going to effect them. I love just being our little family. I love our quiet evenings together being silly and having fun. I love the quiet moments Randy and I have after the children are sleeping tight in their beds. I love listening to him read them bedtime stories. I love my life. And I hate that it is changing for an unknown time.

I do know this is right. And what is right isn't always easy. But we do what is right, no matter how hard. And we trust in the Lord that He has a marvelous plan. We pray in faith for this plan to come quickly. My heart tells me it will all be okay. And I know it. I believe it. It doesn't mean that I won't miss the love of my life with every fiber of my being. What an adventure.

10 days.. and counting

I swear my life is so whirlwind. And since I started blogging way back in 2006, I have moved our of three houses, well this will be the third. That is crazy! And we have had to sell every single one of them. And thankfully it has always worked out in our favor. Seriously though, are you ready for me to get settled? Because I am. And I have no clue where home is going to be! How crazy is that?

My kids want a place to call home, and they are so over moving. I want a place to call home and put down roots. I blame my parents and Randy's that we move so often. For the first 15 1/2 years of my life I lived in the same house, in the same bedroom and my life was constant. And then we moved. And I haven't stayed in the same place for more than 2 years. If you do the math, the first HALF of my life I lived in the same place, same bedroom, same everything. The second HALF of my life I have moved every other year, if not more often. See my parents uprooted me and now I can't stay put. Their fault, not mine. Randy grew up Navy, enough said. There is something inside of me that wants to give my kids a home. They want it. I want it. Randy wants it. We are ready. At least I think we are.

It is hard to believe that in 10 days my Indiana journey will be over. That my kids and I will be leaving this state, and honestly I never ever plan to step foot in this Allergy ____ again. (Fill in the blank!) Love the people, hate that allergies. Love the area, hate the allergies. It's not the state it's the air quality and all this darn green stuff everywhere. Seriously, I am so over green. Wait I derailed my thought track. I don't feel ready to leave. The hardest thing for me is leaving behind my friends. Thankfully this wonderful thing called the Internet was invented and we can keep in touch. But I will miss running over to Emily's almost every morning in my morning garb of NYPD sweatshirt, or WSU if we are really snazzy, some random pair of pajama pants that may or may not match, my hair standing on end, mascara smeared on my face, a down coat on and my CUggs (Costco Uggs). I will miss chatting with Jena and Emily and their surprise when I am actually ready in the morning. Thankfully they love me no matter how crazy I look in the mornings, really I could be on the people of Wal-Mart. I will miss my many, many, many friends from Church. I could name them, but I would leave someone out, and then they would think I didn't like them. And well, that's mean. But I am realizing it is going to be so hard to see everyone. And I really want to.

Ten days. That sounds so short. Am I ready? No. But yes. Breathing normally again. I can't wait! I was at the mall today, and had to go to the bathroom super bad, and I couldn't find one. I finally found a map, and stared it until I found the YOU ARE HERE sticker. And I saw where the bathroom was, Macy's, I could totally walk there. So I walked, and I didn't talk on the phone or to anyone, (that takes a lot of air when you are running on 50% in case you were wondering) but by the time I walked to Macy's and found the bathroom I could hardly catch my breath and I was wheezing horribly. I wish I could say this wasn't normal. But it is. I used my inhaler and decided before I made that L-O-N-G (read really not long, pathetically short) walk again I would shop to let my lungs rest a little bit. It helped I came out of there with a new shirt and I walked even slower out of the store through the mall and to my car. I won't miss that. I am ready to breathe. But I am not ready to say good-bye.

Leaping

Sometimes in life we have to leap. And we don't always know the outcome of our leap. But we go blindly and with faith. Sometimes the leaps are little and sometimes they feel huge. And eventually we land or a parachute catches us after our leap. You never know when it is going to come but you hope and pray that your safety net is there quickly.

In thirteen days my children and I are packing up the van with clothes, favorite toys and the dogs and driving cross country. We are leaving Indiana. We are going back to Washington State. Randy will drive with us, and then fly back until we can figure out where he will transfer to. But Indiana and I don't get along to well. It tries to kill me and my body is fighting back.. but the fight is getting much harder and more than I can always do. My lungs are tired. My body is tired and my heart hurts that I am leaving my best friend here while I go to safety. But breathing is important. And we are doing what we have to do right now. Hard choices.

We have a whole lot of unknown. I am grateful for my parents welcoming us to their home. And grateful for many more family members and friends who will welcome us too. We don't have a lot of answers and all of the details right now. But we know that we are doing what we are supposed to be.

Today I have boxed up toys and things that aren't necessary right now. We have cleaned and organized. Replaced light fixtures and changed out faucets. Our home is for sale. And we have no idea where our next home will be. I am filled with so many mixed emotions. I have fantastic friends who I love dearly here. And the thought of moving far away makes me sad. But I know it is right.

We are leaping. We are taking a huge leap of faith and trusting in our Heavenly Father that He will help us land safely. My heart is filled with many emotions. I have fought back tears today realizing what is really happening in our life. And I have been blessed with the most amazing peace ever. We know this is right. But what is right isn't always easy. We have faith that the Lord will bless us as we trust in Him. And we are praying daily for the right plan to work out. We're leaping. A big giant leap.

Day 502 of Snow

The snow is still coming. It has been a very, very, very long time since all of the ground was clear of this white stuff. At first it brought excitement. We were joyful. But slowly our joy has wained. The cold is overpowering any joy we felt. The slick roads are detouring any desire to go anywhere. The snow is overrated.

I always love the look of fresh snow. But let me tell you, old snow, not so hot. At the end of our driveway, someone let their dog take a big old poop in the snow. And they left it! Seriously big big dog poopy, did they not see it sitting there? We sure did. Gross. The yellow pee all over the snowbanks at the end of the driveway, gross. That is not what I want to see. I have dogs, I get that they go to the bathroom. But thankfully my dogs choose an area in the back where it isn't visible to all at all times. Right now my driveway looks like a doggy outhouse. If I only we could go and return the favor. And by that I mean my dogs, not we as in people. But I don't have that much energy, so instead I will blog about it. And I will spare you pictures. I don't even want to see pictures of that. GROSS!

Day 502. We are over it.

My Valentine!

A few things I love about Randy!

He is an awesome Dad. He went to Lego World with Little Man and took Little Miss to American Girl, willingly!

He is a hard worker.

He is a great provider for our family.

He is faithful to his convictions, and a righteous Priesthood holder.

He never points out my flaws, and trust me there are plenty.

He laughs at my stupid humor.

He never makes me feel like my health issues are a burden.

He loves me for me.

He is my best friend ever.

I am blessed he picked me to spend forever with.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happiness is:

My husband who loves me. More than I could ever imagine.

My children who squeeze me and whisper I am the best Mom ever. Even when I am not.

Friends who love me and listen to me. They teach me how to be a better friend.

Knowing my loving Heavenly Father has a plan for me. Even when I don't really get it.

Is realizing that my 'dumb dog' is barking for a reason. She wanted her other 'dumb friend' to come back home.

Laughing until you cry. And allowing the tears to come.

Happiness is a Mission, I am always on. To be happy. To find joy. To see the blessings in my life. I am blessed more than I deserve. My Mission is to find the happiness and the joy. Be on the look out for more happy things.

Spring is here.

It's ironic I would say that after blogging about our snow day. Which we have a little bit more than we did yesterday. However it is true. Just ask my watery eyes, my runny nose, my sneezing self. Spring is here. The trees are showing new growth. Some plants have small buds where they are growing and will shoot out leaves. In just a few weeks this cold will be gone. And Spring will be in full force. Love Spring. Hate my Allergies.

Snow Day 2010

Today is a snow day. School is cancelled, though I don't think we had near enough snow to cancel school. But I am enjoying having my kids home nonetheless. We are enjoying a lazy day. It is almost 5:00 and my kids have not changed out of their jammies, they are happy and enjoying a day snuggled up warm in our home.

Little Miss is happy to watch her older brother play Super Mario on Wii, and snuggle with her cat Cinderella, she has been freshly washed, and is bright white again!!

Little Man is focused. He wants to get 100 guys. He is determined and enjoying a day of Wii and relaxing.
Little Man is so happy today. He decided he could pause for me and show me his smile. And I have to say while it is snowing today the light is wonderful. The bright white snow is great for reflecting and helping the to look great. I am loving it.

Little Miss is always ready to jump in and smile. She is enjoying our snuggle time and spending time together. Our snow day is fun and lazy. We aren't going outside and playing in it. Something to do with it being cold and my crazy lungs that lock up in this cold.