A Tender Mercy

Today I decided to drive about twenty miles to go to the next closest building for Church. Since the mold in our Church causes me to have an asthma attack every week, something new was in need. I will admit today I went with great hesitancy. I was worried it wouldn't work. Worried it would feel weird. And just worried. Last night I thought I could just stay home. But I knew I needed to go.

This morning I got up and poor Randy was still hurting. He threw his back out yesterday and his been in a great deal of pain since then. He was in bed. I hate seeing him hurt so much. I did my best to make sure he was comfortable and had everything he needed. And then the kids and I were out the door going to a different Church building. They were sad we weren't going to 'our' ward. So was I. But I told them we needed to just try and put our best faces forward. So we did.

We arrived early. I like to be early. We found our seats, the kids checked out the bathrooms and the drinking fountains and then we sat through a wonderful meeting. I am not sure I have felt the Spirit so strong in a meeting in a long time. Maybe it was because I could breathe easily. And after a successful Sacrament meeting I shuffled the kids off to Primary and I went to Sunday School. And then to Relief Society. I focused a lot on my breathing. Was my chest tight? Wheezing? Was I coughing? Nope. None of them. I was breathing the same as I was when I came in. Not perfect, but not any worse. And I felt like the Lord was very aware of ME. I needed that. More than I have needed it in a long time. A tender mercy to be able to sit through three hours of Church and breathe.

When I found my kids after Church they begged to come back next week. They loved their classes and the Bishop gives all of the kids a candy treat after Primary every week. Sugar+my kids=very happy children.

After only attending Sacrament all summer long because of my breathing this Sunday was one of the best Sunday's in months. My heart soared. The Spirit was so strong. And I had what I needed. What I desperately have been missing for months. I need to be spiritually fed each week. And I need to be surrounded by those who believe what I believe. I have missed it greatly. More than I realized. I have been told I am not myself lately. I haven't understood it at all. And at times I have been like I am just me.. just sick. But today I realized what was different besides being sick. I have been beating myself up non-stop for not being able to attend all of my meetings. For not being able to do it all. And feeling like I have failed. I have felt alone, and forgotten. I feel like the past several months have been amongst the hardest for me. But today I felt remembered. The lack of Church has affected all aspects of my life. And today I felt like there was a healing that is starting. My lungs are still having their own issues. But my heart, my soul, my spirit they are healing.