Blessings

Sometimes.. okay.. MOST of the time life doesn't go as planned. The neat little box that we packaged our life in, in our mind is rarely the way life goes. We are thrown curve balls. Things change and we have to adjust and change our course to adapt to these new changes. I sit here in my parents basement and contemplate the changes in my life over the last several years. And while my life has not went as I planned. I am feeling immensely grateful tonight.

Moving to Indiana was hard. I missed my family and my home. But I met great friends. I had wonderful neighbors who became a part of my daily life. And we were so immensely blessed by the people we met there, and by the experiences our own little family had there. I had someone ask me why I thought we went there if we were just going to move again two years later. I don't have the answer. But I know it was the right thing for our family. I loved Randy before we went there. I have multiplied that by one million after living there. I didn't know it was possible. Our family benefited from it in ways I couldn't even imagine. And I see the many blessings. I met people I will always call a friend and I will always love there. I had one of the hardest battles with my health. And I learned. The Lord is always aware of us. Even when we feel invisible to Him, He knows what we need more than we do.

Moving away from Indiana is hard. I miss my friends. I miss my home. I miss my RANDY. I didn't know it would feel so hard moving away. But leaving people I love is always hard. I am grateful for the blessings we have had since moving. My breathing is like a million times better and improving daily. That is huge for me. My kids are grateful for a functional Mom again. I am grateful for going all day today without using my inhaler once. Randy will be joining us in twelve days. I cannot wait. And he isn't going back to Indiana. He has a job here! What a blessing for our family, to be together.

I have heard of trials and heartache so much lately. And I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves ME, and knows ME. He blesses me with what I need, even when I am sure I do not need it. He blesses me with trials that with Him I can do. And when I look at those who are suffering much harder trials I am reminded of the blessings I have. To be grateful for what I have and trust in Him. His plan is right. Even when it is hard.

Home

Is going to be here, in Washington. Right where we are right now. Randy will get here on the 9th of April, and I cannot wait. Prayers have been answered and we are feeling very blessed and also very guided by the Lord. Now sell house.. sell!!

Better.. but not.

Did you know that it is possible to feel a ton better, but not at the same time? It is. For the last let's say 10 months or so I have felt like junk day in and day out. I don't think I realized how badly I felt until now. Life becomes normal and you adjust to that new normal. And you forget how good the old good felt. It slips away and you don't remember it anymore.

I was thinking today as I was running down a driveway that I love and breathing in the fresh spring air how different life felt at the moment, and how very normal my life felt. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed just being outside and doing little things like running down a drive way. Taking a long walk and talking the whole time. Carrying multiple loads of laundry up and down the stairs. Laughing without coughing. Not using my inhaler at least hourly, well above the amount prescribed. Living life and enjoying it. Not just getting by. I forgot how good it felt to be normal and to not think about breathing. I forgot how good it felt to be me.

I am so much better.. but not. My health has improved leaps and bounds. I am so very grateful to my Heavenly Father for this blessing, and I am grateful for a husband who realized the necessity of this hardship in our life. But I miss him. I miss waking up next to him with his arms wrapped around me. I miss the playful poking. I miss his comforting hugs that always assure me it will be okay. I miss his smile. I miss his laughter. I miss his eyes which see deep into my soul. I miss our lunch time together. I miss our Friday afternoon dates, although those have been pretty lame thanks to me, they normally consisted of just hanging out at home together. I miss snuggling while watching TV. I miss our talks lying in bed late at night. I just miss him. I miss his smell. I miss my Randy. It's only been one week, and I have to keep doing this. What is good and right doesn't always equal easy or fun. Right now it is hard and lonely. No one can make up for the spot Randy has in my heart. He trumps them all.

But breathing easier is a blessing that I am so very grateful for. I feel more me than I have in a very long time. It doesn't take everything I have to get the necessities done during the day. I have energy and the breathing capacity to play outside with my kids. To be the Mom I want to always be. To be the person I want to be. And to be the wife I want to be. I have learned how vital my breathing really is for me and my well being. (Okay so it is to everyone, not just me.) But I can really see the difference. I didn't realize how much I had changed and let my stupid asthma control and define my life. I hate that. And I don't want it to be what rules my life. I am grateful for the dry desert climate. It was made for me.

Here

Only 11 days after my last blog post am I finally surfacing and waving my hands frantically to acknowledge I am here. Driving across the country was an adventure. I took pictures, but my computer is still in the box, and I am too lazy to plug it in. So I am blogging from my parents and I don't feel like uploading pictures on to here right now. Maybe those will come later. Maybe not.

Friday March 5th we got up, packed the last minute things and hit the road with donuts and juice. I managed to hold it together as we drove away. I had done my fair share of blubbering the night before I guess. It was a very surreal thing to leave Indy. I didn't realize how much it was home to me, and how weird it really would be to leave it. Maybe it wouldn't have felt so hard if my best friend was moving with me, but he wasn't. At least not yet. We managed to drive for fourteen hours, and made it half way though Nebraska. The drive was uneventful, and time felt like it was flying by.

On Saturday we left Nebraska and drove the rest of the way to Utah. Let's just say this about Wyoming.. if you have ever run on a treadmill and you hate it the whole time, don't drive through Wyoming. It is like a really really bad treadmill that you can't get off of. I was so over the drive, and it seemed to go on, and on, and on. We were so happy to pull into the State of Utah!! The mountains, the familiar scenery, it finally started to feel like we were making progress. We made it down the mountain, stopped at Cafe Rio for food, and then went to Randy's Grandma's house.

This is where our trip got interesting. We pulled into Grandma's house and Randy is backing our van and trailer up and he hears a Gug-gug-gug sound. Lovely right? It always warms my heart when cars make noises that they shouldn't. Realization set in that our Dodge Grand Caravan was going through Transmission #2. The last one was put in 16,000 miles ago. And the stupid van only has 76,000 miles on it. We were grateful for the tender mercy of it stopping in the driveway, not in Wyoming on the bad treadmill. We felt blessed. My initial reaction was laughter. A lot of laughter. It didn't really stop either. We prayed over our Cafe Rio and I prayed for it to be stolen.. yep that's right I prayed for someone to steal my van. (It didn't happen in case you were wondering.) And I laughed. My friend Kelli thankfully was there laughing right along with me. I am not sure how that night would have went without her, and I am grateful for my 'twin' keeping me laughing.

Sunday we stayed in Utah. Remember the van was broken. Thankfully Randy's cousin Kevin and his wife Rachel and there family welcomed us into their home. Thank you!! We were blessed with laughter, friendship, and great food.

Monday we stayed in Utah. The van was finally in the shop with a really broken transmission. We went to Temple Square and visited with family. And Randy's Grandma kindly offered to allow us to take her pickup the rest of the way. Thank you Grandma.

Tuesday morning we left. And our adventure continued. Not long after getting on the 215 our trailer unhitched itself. Yep, you read that right, our trailer was unhitched going down the freeway. Thankfully my husband is a smart man and chained the trailer also to our pickup like you should, and so the trailer stayed with the pickup. But the trailer looked like a bucking bronco. It was the craziest, scariest, funniest thing I have ever seen. Too bad we didn't get that on video. We stopped and the trailer stopped and nothing was damaged, and we counted our blessings.

We continued on our way and it was raining. We watched the rain turn to snow, and ice. The roads went from wet, to slush, to snow, ice and slush. It was another adventure. A pickup passed us and flew off the road right after passing us. We felt blessed that we were safe. Eventually we were out of the poor weather and driving the rest of the way home. We arrived safely. That night we said many prayers of gratitude for our safety, for the trailer and the pickups safety and that while it wasn't the easiest road we traveled we were safe.

The kids are enrolled in school. The dogs (did I mention the dogs were with us this whole trip, because they were) survived. The weather has been gorgeous. My pulmonary functions have jumped to a normal range for the first time in over a year! We have been blessed to have an abundance of family welcoming us. We have many friends we have yet to see, we will soon! We are adjusting. But I am missing my best friend. Randy left yesterday back to Indiana. It hurt to have him fly away. But I know it is short. The Lord has a plan. We just have to wait. We're here.

Time to go

I should be gathering things and getting everything ready. But instead here I sit. Thinking. Freaking out. Not feeling ready. But knowing it is time. I remember the first time I came to Indy. I wasn't sure what I thought. I was excited, but so scared of moving here. And here I am moving back home and I feel those same feelings. I am sad to leave. I have so many wonderful friends and I am so sad to say good bye to them. Thankfully we have Facebook and email to keep in touch. But I am really going to miss everyone here. I have been blessed to make so many wonderful friends here.

Today I need to pick up the trailer. Pack the stuff to go to my parents house. (That's right I still haven't packed any of that.) Get all the laundry done. Make sure my home is ready to sell in a second. Have everything tidy and make sure that it will be simple for Randy to keep up easily. And I want to have lunch with friends. And my husband needs to come home from Chicago, that's right he has been gone since Tuesday. We are leaving in the morning and my list seems like it might take until morning. I am still trying to get all my base boards washed in my home. We'll see if I get that all done or leave that for Randy. Or anyone who is just bored.

Indiana.. it's a love hate thing. Love the people. Love the area. Hate the allergies.