Tick, tick, tick..

The metronome.. tick.tick.tick.tick.tick.tick.tick

For me it a love hate relationship. For years I have hated it. Loathed it. Despised it. For years I refused to own one. Although since I am a pianist and have played since I was 4 I should have such a strong aversion to them. I used to cry when my Mom would make me play with it. I would play crazy in spite of it. It drove me crazy. I didn't see how it worked, I couldn't count 1 and 2 and 3 and a 4, play the right notes, listen to the metronome and stay sane at the same time. I would get mad and think it was all wrong. I have hated that blasted thing. My piano teacher would beat the piano with a pencil. I could tolerate that only slightly more. I have always despised it. I didn't see the point and I was sure I could do it fine without it.

Something happened over the past couple of years. And finally this year I asked for a metronome for Christmas, (I had just been told I was being called as ward organist). But I didn't want just a plain black box I wanted one like I grew up with. One that moved. I had gotten used to the feeling of swaying with it over my adult years after several tears and silent curses on the blasted thing. I slowly would watch it move and feel the movement and the beat would stay in me. I would play the music as the composer intended instead of the way I believed it should be written. I learned to use it properly. Randy surprised me with this beautiful metronome that matches my piano for Christmas. And it is used often. And as I use it I sway and I feel the beat and I play my music correctly. After sitting for hours at the piano each week preparing the music for each Sunday to play it correctly I am extremely grateful for this gift. My metronome is one of my favorite gifts I have ever received. I find it ironic. And each time I wind it after it has wound down I giggle at myself and my hate of the metronome.

Beauty Rest

I love checking on my children late at night after they have been sleeping for hours. This one is always uncovered and sprawled out taking up as much of her big bed as she can. (I think she gets that from me.)

When my parents were here my Dad left this kit and it had a sleeping mask in it. Little Man wore it once but wasn't so fond of it. Little Miss however wears it quite often. And I find it HILARIOUS! I always cover her up again when I go to bed and almost always she will sit up and smile at me and lay back down. When she wears the mask she sits up and whacks her face and tries to get it off and then lays back down and pulls it back on. I have to hold in my giggles. And last night I decided that she probably wouldn't notice if I took her picture. So I did. And she slept through it. And I giggled and giggled. I love this girl!

Eating Crow

A long time ago I voiced my dislike for Michael Buble. I will be honest I hate when everyone has to love the same thing, and be into it. I don't want to be a lemming, and when I feel pressured to like it because everyone likes it and it is cool I tend to push the other way. I like to form my own opinions and do my own things. Always have. Call it stubborn, independent, or just Lee. I like to march to my own drum. It makes me happy. I think that is part of the reason I have embraced my curls even more when everyone was wanting to straighten theirs even more.

So after several years I downloaded a few of his songs on iTunes. I am enjoying the select few I downloaded. Crazy huh? I heard a song on the radio and I loved it, so I had to figure out who it was.. turns out it was Michael. I guess I can like him if I discover that I like him on my own. At least a few songs.

Six Years Ago..

My baby was seven months old. And she is still as happy as she was then. I miss this stage.
My little boy had just turned two. He is still always up to something. I miss this stage.
My kids are growing up faster than I would like to accept. Today I am pondering am I embracing their childhood enough? Because these pictures feel like yesterday. And this morning they are both off at school for the day, they aren't little like this. They are brave, independent children.

Our life has taken some definite changes that I never expected to see in the past six year. I never imagined that when Little Miss was born she would be the baby forever. I never imagined that we would move so much. I never imagined that my children would bring me so much joy, and that they time would feel like it was going by at lightning speed.

I can say I think I took for granted a lot of those days, they were often long and hard. Randy was in school full time and worked full time. I was home by myself a lot. It felt like the longest year of my life after Little Miss was born, but if I could go back and do it again, I would. I would worry less and play more. And embrace the silliness that embodies my children. I miss that stage.

I love where my kids are right now though. They are entertaining and are great for conversations. I love just spending time with them and understanding them. But I am ready for time to stop. Or even go backwards. I want it to quit passing at warp speed.

The Simple Things

Some things in life just make you smile. The sound of kids giggling. The sun shining brightly. The smell of fresh baked sweets. Cotton Candy. The first signs of Spring. Fresh budding flowers. I could go on and on.

But today I am loving a simple thing. I love color crayons, and specifically a fresh box of crayons just opened and not touched. The points are still sharp and they are in a random colorful order of happiness. It's the simple things in life. The things that bring back memories, and bring you back to the no-cares-in-the-world days of childhood. Fresh color crayons are simply that.

Attitude Adjustment

Someone I know needs a serious attitude adjustment. And after months of being quite daft, I realized that that someone is me. I was reading my blog from early 2009 and realizing that my attitude has been less than stellar. This isn't an easy pill for me to swallow. It isn't an easy thing for me to admit, but I know I do.

I like to think I am always a positive, upward thinking person. More of an optimist than anything else. And I would say for the past six months that hasn't been me most of the time. But it wasn't an over night thing, it was more gradual. And I am wondering what the heck is wrong with me?? I have been a little umm.. grumpy or something.. I am still not quite sure that is the right word. But for me I am realizing how much I have shut out. And it has been my fault and my own doing. Sometimes those pills are easier to ignore. But I am not really one to ignore stuff forever, I like to look at it straight on and deal. So here I am.

My lack of breathing and stupid health issues have turned me into a hermit. For reals. That isn't my normal by any stretch of the imagination. But it has become my normal. And while I like having things slower paced some. I also miss the time I had with friends and doing more things. It started out with my breathing just sucking and literally doing more than I had to about did me in. And then it became a habit. And I am looking at myself and wondering what in the world? I have so many fabulous friends and I think in a lot of ways they all feel pushed aside, and I don't blame them. And I know some of them will read this. So I apologize right now for my lack of friendship that I have offered to them. Seriously, I am sitting here going huh.. Lee is a pile. A pile that is kicking her own butt and going to do better. Now I don't want people to think I am all sad or anything. Because I am not sitting here feeling sorry for myself being sad, I am feeling remorseful and sorry yes. Wake up Lee. Look at yourself, dust yourself off, and don't be so anal about having to use your inhaler in front of people. (I hate using it in front of people, pride issue I know.)

Today I am changing my attitude. I am not going to let my asthma run my life, because for the last several months I have. I have adjusted my life to completely deal with it, and that is all. While I needed to adjust it some, I went too far. And my attitude towards my asthma has reflected in many other aspects of my life. I have totally felt like I had the short end of the stick. What's up with that? That is not my normal attitude. So I am kicking that one out the door and dusting off my old attitude and I am ready to roll. Sometimes I have to remind myself that my trials are small compared to many I know. And that I don't bear this alone, I have my Savior to help me, and many friends who are there if I will let them be. And that is where I have to learn to let them in. So I am trying. Working on it. And hopefully my attitude will be back to where it was a year ago. I am sure I am not the only one hoping that.

The Thing about Facebook

Facebook is so popular ever my parents are on it. My Aunts and Uncles are on it. People who I never thought would be into social networking are on it. I love the ability it has to connect you to people you have lost contact with over the years. You can catch up with your childhood friends it is pretty cool. Especially for a person like me who once you are my friend, you are my friend for life, unless you are a really bad mean person.

I attended the school with the same kids from Kindergarten until the end of my Freshman year of High School. I had awesome friends. And moving after my Freshman year made it hard to keep connected, before this fabulous Internet was everywhere. Now I am able to catch up with friends from years past. Funny thing, several of them have asked me why I wasn't at the reunion.. I casually responded I had moved after my Freshman year and didn't graduate with them from CHS, but I had moved, and graduated from PHS. Funny what you remember! I didn't go to my 10 year reunion at PHS either.

So on to my thoughts on Facebook. It is this fabulous tool.. but also an extremely annoying tool. I love that I can reconnect with people that I haven't seen in years, and keep in contact with people that I still see. I like the fun little quick messages and being able to post quick pictures and keep my friends kind of in the loop. Not as in the loop as they would be if they talked to me but somewhat.

Facebook wants to suck me in. That annoys me. It wants me to waste my day reading and writing on walls. It wants to eat all my productivity and make me a lazy non contributing zero. So while I find it intriguing, I don't really care about all the quizzes you take, I tend to block them as fast as I can. I don't care about stupid games. But I do like to catch up with my friends. It's a love hate thing.

Proud Mom Moments

I have blogged about Little Miss and her speech issues. Talking has never been easy for her. Getting the correct sounds on letters has been hard. We have been in speech for four years, minus a few times when we would get little breaks. That is a lot of speech. Finally her sounds are all coming together and quite clear. She is a little nasally at times, but that comes from her lovely Indiana allergies. When we started speech at the beginning of the school year her "s" was her weakest sound thanks to no front teeth. And that was a letter that she mastered years ago. Her speech teacher kept working with her and has really pushed to get all of those sounds fluent, and constant.

Yesterday her speech teacher Sarah called me. She informed me that her "s" was great now, (I knew that) and that her speech is awesome. Little Miss always practices what they did at school at home so I knew "s" was really the last letter, and she mastered it without any front teeth! Little Miss is graduating speech. And I don't think she will be going back again! I am so excited for her, and very proud of her. I am grateful for the wonderful speech pathologist who have helped her. Great job girl.

True Confessions:

I am a total addict.

They say admitting is the hardest step. And trust me it was hard.

But I have realized that it is time to not be the addict anymore. To free myself from this lovely, I mean horrible demon.

Sugar. Me and Sugar. It just so happens that I have the taste buds of a five year old. I prefer sugary sweet to anything. I have been known to open packets of raw sugar at a resturant and eat them.. and possibly feed them to my own children. Or eat the hard clumps of brown sugar, just the little ones, not the baseball sized one. I am the kid who pours a cup full of sugar on their bowl of rice crispies so they are edible. I am the pregnant lady who when asked what I ate for breakfast explains I had Oreo's Cereal. (For the record it is fabulous!) I am the Mom who will happily eat cake for breakfast, or a bowl of Cocoa Puffs. I like gummy bears in my ice cream. I like the sugary sweet candy that most of my friends shy away from.

In light of this recent admission of my addiction I am cutting out the massive amount of sweets that have been a part of my daily diet. I am not cutting ALL sugar out of my diet, but I am cutting out candy, cookies, and the goodies that I would prefer to eat over anything else. I am even cutting out my ICE CREAM! And if you ask anyone that is my favorite food.

I started eleven days ago. And I have to say the first few days I was dying for a treat. I don't really care about any food I eat, but my sugar. I am not picky about anything I eat, but I do know the difference between good and bad ice cream. I am eating much healthier. I am managing to get 5 vegetables and 3 fruits in everyday. The fruits are working wonders to replace my sugar habit. And my body just feels better. Better than I thought it would without the sugar.

Twenty-Ten

We are 6 days into the New Year, I figured it was about time I acknowledged it. So, hey there New Year!

Seriously though I am not huge on resolutions. I feel like I should always try to be better, do better, be a better person than I was the day before. I want to be the best me that I can be. But that can take a lot of work. I am not always the best me. Often I am just me, the slacker me, or the unproductive me. So maybe that is my resolution just to be my best me, more often than not.

I was thinking about ten years ago, the Y2K hype, I worked for US Bank at the time, Randy and I had only been married a few months and I had no idea where the first decade in the 2000's would take us. And I learned that no matter what change is always the constant. That Randy and I are stronger than I ever imagined, as a couple and individually, well me individually, I always knew Randy was amazing. We double the size of our family, we moved a lot, we endured my many surgeries, we laughed a lot, we loved a lot, and we had fun. I am excited for the next ten years to see where we finally end up and what all is in store for our family.