5 Days

Today was a hard one. On the way to Church I was teary, I realized today was the last time that Randy, the kids and I would all be attending our home ward together for who knows how long. Next week we will be in Salt Lake City for Church, and then the next week I will be in WA, and he will be flying home. It made me sad. I think it set the tone for the day.

I was released from the organ. The Bishop told me, and as soon as he did I burst into tears. I hate doing that but I was on the verge already. And then I had people talk to me after Sunday School and before Relief Society started. Let's just say I cried through the opening hymn of Relief Society. I hadn't had the chance to tell everyone before that we were leaving, and so it was a shocker for some. And I looked around this Ward I have only been attending since September and I felt such a sadness to leave it. I always say a Ward is a Ward. But this one it's a real good one. Different than many I have been in. There is something about it that makes me so sad to leave it. Maybe it is because Randy is staying in it and I am not. It made me cry to leave. It was hard to say goodbye to so many people that we love. We only see them on Sunday but they have touched our lives for good. It broke my heart when my friend Nikki hugged me and cried as hard as I was crying. I hate crying but it always helps when you aren't alone in it. Makes me feel less crazy at least. My eyes hurt after Church. I hate that feeling too. I left Church feeling loved and knowing it would be okay. And knowing I was leaving behind great people.

My neighbors have vowed to see me as much as they can these next five days. We chatted today and I told them we weren't talking about this week. I was over crying and my eyes still hurt. Things I have realized I am good talking to my friends and people until I know it is the last time I am going to see them. The last time breaks my heart. If you don't want to see me cry, don't let me know it is the last time before I move.

I am feeling very optimistic tonight. I am grateful for friends who hug me and tell me I am doing the right thing and show their confidence in me. I need it right now. Because as much as I know that, it is still hard. And my friends getting that we have to do this helps so much. This isn't the path we would choose, but we don't always get to choose our paths in life.