Tender Mercies

I had written this out earlier today, it was much much longer, so you can thank blogger that you got the Reader's Digest Version this time!

I love Michael McLean. I love his music, it speaks to me, to my soul. I recently downloaded his CD As I Am. Let's just say I love it. The opening track is called Tender Mercies. It is wonderful, and it has really made me ponder the tender mercies in my own life.

Four years ago today my life changed. No, I didn't become a mother that day, my son was six months old. It was late and I was sitting with my family watching TV and I started coughing, not overly unusual for me, I have asthma. But I glanced at my hand and saw blood. It scared me a little, so I went to the bathroom to figure out where it was coming from. I kept coughing and more blood kept coming. So we went to the hospital. When we arrived I was put into isolation immediately and masked just in case I had Tuberculosis. I knew I didn't, I hadn't been anywhere! After lots of tests the Doctor came in and told me he was 98% sure I had Hodgeskin's Disease. As I sat there with Randy, and my little man who was just six months old I felt my world collapse, everything else the doctor said became a blur. I was taken up to a room so we could do more tests the next day.

My Dad came up that night, and together my Dad and Randy administered to me, and gave me a blessing. I was promised in that blessing that with great faith, I would have a great miracle in my life. As I sat there in bed, for the first time away from my baby, and after everyone left I was alone with my thoughts, and my fears. I sat there with the thoughts of everything that had gone on that night and just poured my heart out to the Lord. Cancer? How could it be cancer, I had just turned 22. My life was just beginning, we had just started our family, and I desperately wanted my son to have a sibling. As I sat there that night I pleaded with the Lord that I would have one more child, that I would be able to raise my children.

About 10 days after the tests I got the biopsy results back and my lymph nodes were normal. They ran another test and found out I had a pulmonary sequestration. It is a rare congenital birth defect. My radiologist was baffled because he said in a previous CAT scan that my lungs were in he didn't see the lump in my lung, so how could it be there now?

We found a cardio-thoracic surgeon who we met with and told us that it needed to be removed. I was given another blessing before my surgery and was reassured that the Lord knew what was going on in my life, and that He was in charge. The night before the surgery was a restless one for me. I was scared, and I wanted to be close to my sweet baby and I prayed it wouldnÂ’t be my last night with him. I nursed my sweet boy and prayed it wasn't the last time as I handed him to my Mom.

The next morning we went to Sacred Heart and I had my surgery, when I finally woke up I had an epidural for pain and was still in great pain. The incision they did is in my back and is said to be ten times more painful than open heart. I was laying in the Cardiac ICU and Randy was there with me, and after such intense pain I asked him for a blessing of comfort. He gave me one and when he finished I felt the pain ease, it was bearable, and I knew that the Lord was aware of me.

I ended up spending 5 days in the hospital recovering, and then another five weeks of a slow recovery. And barely over one year after it all started, we were blessed with our daughter, my little princess, my miracle.

How grateful I am for the tender mercies the Lord has given me. I would not trade this experience for anything. The Lord will not give us more than we can handle, if we lean on Him. He will ease our burdens, and comfort our hearts. I learned how much my Savior loves ME, that He is so aware of my needs, and that he is at the Helm. He suffered in Gethsemane not only for our sins, but for all that we would feel, including our physical pain. When I felt alone, I knew that He was there for me, and He knew what I was going through. How grateful I am for the gospel of Jesus Christ, for His infinite love and atonement.

The tender mercy of the Lord is all around us, sometimes it just takes opening our heart to see them. I hope all of us are able to experience them.