I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane

I am so excited in less than 24 hours, just a little less we will be landing in Las Vegas! We are looking forward to a fun weekend. We have a few things we are planning on doing, but for the most part we are going to be flying by the seat of our pants!
I know you are going to miss me, but we are going to be having a great times sans kids. I am looking forward to missing them greatly.
I will be back Sunday night, late. So hopefully I will have pictures and some good stories!!

The rest of the pictures

The rest of the pictures, including the true colors of my little girl, see that attitude I get?
My son smacking the ball, and getting ready to field a grounder! I am so proud! How did they get so big?
Then the cute kids in the slip'n'slide, and yes her cute bum is always showing a little!

I've Been Busy

I have been busy lately, and I don't see it slowing down too much for a while. I brought it all upon myself too. My kids are busy and into everything so I figured might as well have stuff for them to keep them busy, and out of trouble. I forgot that by doing that I would make ME busier than I already am, but hey it is a lot of fun!
The kids are currently in swimming lessons everyday, with my little princess I get to go with her, notice the GET to not HAVE to, I made the choice to sign her up so it is my privlege. Little man is doing his at the same time.
Little Man is the one who is keeping me really busy. He has soccer on Mondays, and T-Ball on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We have play group and then Little Princess has Speech Therapy a couple of days in the week also. Then there is story time and park days and lots of fun things for the kids.
We had the birthday last week also, and then my big brother and his family moved back, so exciting!! So life is busy, but busy is good. I find the busier I am the happier I am. The more on my list the more fun it is.
I'm busy, I'm running all the time for here to there, and trying to keep up on the house. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I have gotten some great photo ops so here are some pictures of my cute kids for your viewing pleasure!

The rest of it

I don't want my little man to feel left out, so here is a nice picture of him! Blogger was having some issues, but I got all of my pictures up! Woo Hoo! Here are the rest of my girl today. Happy Birthday Princess, and my all of your wishes come true.

More Birthday Pictures!

Happy Birthday Princess!!

I can't believe it has been three years. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago that I held you for the first time, yet I can't imagine life without you. You are so much like me, in so many ways. The things you do crack me up, and then at times I am at my limit, and then I realize how much you are like me. I am sorry I am not the perfect Mommy, and sometimes I just need to remember you are trying, and you and me we aren't that different.

I was terrified the day you were born, you were early and I had no idea what the outcome would be. You were born at 5:38 PM on a Sunday and just 5lbs 1/2 oz and 19 1/2 inches long. Who would have thought you would grow so fast in 3 short years. You are now 29lbs and about 41 inches. You came out strong and with so much spunk! I hope you know how much I adore you, and how grateful I am to be the woman you call Mother.

My princess, my angel, my miracle, I love you.

Take a trip down memory lane and check out my little princess three years ago, and now!

First time I was able to hold her, 6 hours after my c-section. It was midnight I was so tired.

Today, her first picture as a three year old!

The Commercial Boy

Little Man loves to watch TV. Yes I know, they really don't need to watch that much, but what does 10 hours a day hurt?? HA!

He gets a little time in the AM and I think some of his favorite parts of it are the commercials. He just saw one for dish soap, and was all MOOOOOOOMMMM, get in here now! So I come a running and he was like, did you see that commercial? That dish soap turns into a vacuum and gets all the gross stuff off of the dishes. Don't you want that?

I love my Little Man, he is always looking for something new, and will tell me all about what he learns, the advertisers are marketing to a 4 year old I think. He wants all of the new cleaning products he finds!

I am just grateful he doesn't see the feminine hygiene commercials and want the info on those!!

Soccer Mom!

I think I am now a Soccer Mom, my little man is now playing soccer!! I don't have the minivan or the big SUV but I have a kid in soccer! And boy am I proud!!

I am seriously so proud of him. Tuesday was the first day of soccer. He tried so hard and did great! I feel like we are starting a new stage in life, and it is going to be a long one. I am so excited to have my kids in sports, and to see them grow and develop their skills and talents!

I am the really proud Mommy standing on the sidelines screaming Go Little Man Go! Sure that my Boy is doing better than any other little boy out there.. Or at least I hope to be. Tuesday we had some fun times tackling the ball, wrong sport there buddy but he will get it!

I have never played Soccer, so I am looking forward to learning more about it, and he is going to be getting lots of practice and I am sure he will teach me lots too.


Check out that kick? How can you not be so proud?
He had such an awesome time! He worked so hard, and is so excited to get out everyday with the soccer ball and kick it some more! Woo hoo! Go little man! I can't wait for my days and many more years of this! It brings back the memories.

I remember thinking being a Soccer Mom I would be so old, but here I am 26 and I can't think of anything better to do. Next year I will have two kids doing it, and I can't wait. My best memories from my childhood invlove sports!

Tender Mercies

I had written this out earlier today, it was much much longer, so you can thank blogger that you got the Reader's Digest Version this time!

I love Michael McLean. I love his music, it speaks to me, to my soul. I recently downloaded his CD As I Am. Let's just say I love it. The opening track is called Tender Mercies. It is wonderful, and it has really made me ponder the tender mercies in my own life.

Four years ago today my life changed. No, I didn't become a mother that day, my son was six months old. It was late and I was sitting with my family watching TV and I started coughing, not overly unusual for me, I have asthma. But I glanced at my hand and saw blood. It scared me a little, so I went to the bathroom to figure out where it was coming from. I kept coughing and more blood kept coming. So we went to the hospital. When we arrived I was put into isolation immediately and masked just in case I had Tuberculosis. I knew I didn't, I hadn't been anywhere! After lots of tests the Doctor came in and told me he was 98% sure I had Hodgeskin's Disease. As I sat there with Randy, and my little man who was just six months old I felt my world collapse, everything else the doctor said became a blur. I was taken up to a room so we could do more tests the next day.

My Dad came up that night, and together my Dad and Randy administered to me, and gave me a blessing. I was promised in that blessing that with great faith, I would have a great miracle in my life. As I sat there in bed, for the first time away from my baby, and after everyone left I was alone with my thoughts, and my fears. I sat there with the thoughts of everything that had gone on that night and just poured my heart out to the Lord. Cancer? How could it be cancer, I had just turned 22. My life was just beginning, we had just started our family, and I desperately wanted my son to have a sibling. As I sat there that night I pleaded with the Lord that I would have one more child, that I would be able to raise my children.

About 10 days after the tests I got the biopsy results back and my lymph nodes were normal. They ran another test and found out I had a pulmonary sequestration. It is a rare congenital birth defect. My radiologist was baffled because he said in a previous CAT scan that my lungs were in he didn't see the lump in my lung, so how could it be there now?

We found a cardio-thoracic surgeon who we met with and told us that it needed to be removed. I was given another blessing before my surgery and was reassured that the Lord knew what was going on in my life, and that He was in charge. The night before the surgery was a restless one for me. I was scared, and I wanted to be close to my sweet baby and I prayed it wouldnÂ’t be my last night with him. I nursed my sweet boy and prayed it wasn't the last time as I handed him to my Mom.

The next morning we went to Sacred Heart and I had my surgery, when I finally woke up I had an epidural for pain and was still in great pain. The incision they did is in my back and is said to be ten times more painful than open heart. I was laying in the Cardiac ICU and Randy was there with me, and after such intense pain I asked him for a blessing of comfort. He gave me one and when he finished I felt the pain ease, it was bearable, and I knew that the Lord was aware of me.

I ended up spending 5 days in the hospital recovering, and then another five weeks of a slow recovery. And barely over one year after it all started, we were blessed with our daughter, my little princess, my miracle.

How grateful I am for the tender mercies the Lord has given me. I would not trade this experience for anything. The Lord will not give us more than we can handle, if we lean on Him. He will ease our burdens, and comfort our hearts. I learned how much my Savior loves ME, that He is so aware of my needs, and that he is at the Helm. He suffered in Gethsemane not only for our sins, but for all that we would feel, including our physical pain. When I felt alone, I knew that He was there for me, and He knew what I was going through. How grateful I am for the gospel of Jesus Christ, for His infinite love and atonement.

The tender mercy of the Lord is all around us, sometimes it just takes opening our heart to see them. I hope all of us are able to experience them.

Something that represents me...

It is Monday!! My Life Monday nonetheless! Woo Hoo!!

Today's Topic: Something that represents me. I thought of that, because so often I am a Mom, and I feel like my kids represent me, but I had to find something, NOT someone.

So I finally decided on something that I feel represents me fairly.

This is my Piano. I love my piano. It is a very special item in my house, when we moved I even paid someone to move it, rather than risk anything happening to it.. I might of hurt someone if it had been damaged in the moved, that is how much I love it. A little info, I had a 1919 Chickering that I grew up playing, and got after I was married. It sounded awesome, BUT it looked like it was an old saloon piano, minus a few gunshots. It was pretty beat down. So in December I found this piano, a 1901 Chickering that I fell in love with. It needed to be restored so I had that done and the end of February it was completed. So it has an unbelievable sound and it is gorgeous!!

So why a piano represents me. I love music, it is part of me, and one of my passions. A lot of people are surprised to find out I have played the piano for over 22 years, much less that I am passionate about classical music. I am the farm kid who did FFA, played sports, and could do anything any boy could do. I am just as tough as anyone, so when I played a Haydn Concerto for a competition my Junior year of High School I about knocked the socks off of people. How did this crazy basketball player know how to play the piano? We thought she was just the Forward who fouled everyone.

I have enjoyed playing for hours at a time since I was little. I love the expression you get and the chance you get to bring the music alive. I love the way I can express myself, different composers help me to express different things I am feeling. When I sit down I leave the world of just a Mom, and it takes me to a place I have been able to do since I was a little girl. There is something magical about it. I love the opportunity to learn new challenging music, to push myself. It brings me so much joy.

In my living room my piano is the focal point, it is the first thing you see when you walk into my house. My Mom plays, and she taught me to love it. I want my kids to play, I want it to be part of my legacy.

Vegas Baby!

We are going to Vegas in a few weeks, just my honey and I! I was checking flight prices to do different places yesterday, I like to do that so I can dream about going somewhere. And I find such a killer deal that we decided to buy the tickets and take a long weekend in Vegas. I am so excited!!
I have never been there so I am not sure what all to do there, so please, if you have been there, live, there, or have any ideas leave them in the comments okay?
We have a few friends there that I would like to see, hopefully they can show us some cool places, also it is always fun to do stuff with a group of people right? So needless to say a kidless weekend is exciting to us.

My Life Monday- In Memory of...

I have talked about a few of my loved ones that have passed on before, my Aunt, and my Grandmother. So today I am going to talk about my Grandpas that have passed on.

First my Mom's Dad, he died two weeks after Randy and I were wed. I was sick and went to see him shortly before he passed. He was asleep and didn't wake up that day. You could sense the end was near. I got home that night after seeing him and was vomiting and running a fever, he passed away the next day, and I went to the hospital the day after with appendicitis. It was a very surreal week. I didn't really deal with my emotions, maybe it was the morphine in me, but nothing seemed real. When I got out of the hospital I was able to go get showered and go straight to his funeral.

Grandpa had been sick for a while, and had dementia so it was time for him to go. None of us could wish him to live longer. I still miss him though. My Grandpa was a great man. He served in World War II and received a Purple Heart. He married my Grandma, 13 years younger than him, and they had two girls just 11 months apart, my Mom being the youngest. Grandpa was from Arkansas, and he only had a sixth grade education, but he worked hard. He was a mechanic, and a farmer.

When I was a kid he loved to tell war stories, and you would see his eyes light up as he would tell you about them. He loved talking about driving the tanks into Germany. Grandpa always wore these green coveralls and a matching hat even in the horrible heat, he was a red head and fair and didn't want to get a sunburn.

One of my best memories is when my Grandpa was 80 he finally decided to get baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. What a great blessing for all of us to be there. My cousin was baptized with him, and it was a very memorable day. He had heard about the Church for over 40 years before he finally decided to join. It was a joyous day for all of us. Shortly after baptism dementia set in and progressed quite rapidly. So after his death my brother did his work, and my Grandma and him are now sealed and they are sealed to their children putting one more link into our eternal chain.

My Grandpa love McDonalds, it was one of his absolute favorite places to go. A Quarter Pounder with cheese and an ice cream cone and he was set. It took him a long time to eat it, but it was heaven for him.

It has almost been seven years, I still miss him. I miss his smell, the twinkle in his eye, and the excitement he would get when I would play the piano. My Grandpa is pretty darn special, he was not the most talkative man, I guess being in a house with three women might do that to you, but I knew he loved me, and he is where my first name comes from.. we have a special bond.

Now my Dad's father, he passed away when I was 3 months pregnant with my little boy. He was ready, and he missed my Grandmother greatly. I am grateful that for all of my grandparents I have been able to go and visit them and say good-bye. Grandpa died on June 23, 2001 at 92 years old. He was one of the funniest old men I know. Pretty hilarious most of the time.

Grandpa was bald, he loved all of my hair and from the time I was little wanted to glue it on his head. Or so he would tell me. One time I was visiting him and he wanted to fix my hair, I let him. Then I cried. Thankfully I had my older brother there to fix it for me. He blew my hair dry, and made it HUGE, now I am talking like early 80's massive hair here, it was awful, but he had so much fun doing it. He loved my hair, and always told me I was going to be Miss America.. that is until I got taller than him. Then I was just big.. lol..

Grandpa loved ice cream too, he used to love to make ice cream cones for us. I love ice cream so I was always excited. Then one day I caught Grandpa dishing me up my cone, and he would scoop the ice cream and then lick the spoon, scoop the ice cream, lick the spoon. Ummm.. not exactly appetizing, but it was Grandpa so we just moved forward and tried to ignore it.

Grandpa was an exceptional Gardner, he always had tons of beautiful flowers. The spring before he passed away he decided to round up his front yard to kill all of the grass, he wanted more flowers. He called my Dad and told him to come fix the yard, till it and plant the glads in it. So reluctantly he did it. My Grandpa didn't live to see all of the flowers in bloom, but the 1000 glad did come up and did bloom that summer. Grandpa's flowers went to Church every Sunday, he would have been so proud! Everyone knew how much he loved his flowers!

Grandpa was a great example of a righteous priesthood holder and a great man. He raised his children strong in the Gospel, and was a hard worker. He farmed, and worked at a mill. He is still missed. I miss the quirky sense of humor, from trying to feed my dog food when I was 5 and telling me it was candy, to the stepping on the giant stink bugs.

This summer it is five years since he passed. I miss him. I remember going to visit him and telling him I was pregnant. When we were leaving the last thing he said to us was Randy, I am proud of you for finally showing your manhood. Yes my 92 year old Grandpa said that. Made me laugh. It is great to have memories, and I hope he knows how much I love him!

Weezer

I got an iPod for my birthday this past weekend. Thank you Randy!! I love it, a lot. It is one of the coolest new toys I have had in a long time. Watch out all of my other gadgets and gizmos, you have new competition.
I have rediscovered some of my favorite bands, I love iTunes, and have been downloading songs like crazy. So today I am so in love with Weezer. I love their sound. Makes me wish I could play the drums and the guitar. I have been teaching my kids how to play the air guitar, and that this is one of the best sounds. I like the Alternative sound. So many different bands. But for today Weezer makes me happy.
Beverly Hills is one of their best newer songs. Something about the drum and the beat. Just picks me up. Makes my day all better! But I still love the Undone-The Sweater Song, and basically everything from there first album Weezer.
Amazing the power music has on me. It can change my moods drastically. I am enjoying my new toy, and already have 600+ songs on it. From classical, to country, to pop, to alternative. I like it all. Right now this is fitting me, and gets me moving, helps me to be more silly.
I feel better today. Weezer helps.

Just Breathe

Breathe.. just Breathe, it will all be okay.

Today has not been my day. Actually a lot of days lately haven't been. The move has been really hard on the kids, and all of the adjusting that comes with it. It has been a little hard on me too, and I just feel like I am failing. It has been one of those days lately where I feel my kids hate me, and I am really not doing a good job at being a Mother. It sucks.

I need to just breathe, relax, I know they don't hate me, but today it sure feels like it. I feel like I am failing.. I have so little patience, and I really should be doing better. They are precious children from our Heavenly Father, who for some reason actually trusted me with these angels. Why, I am not so sure right now? I think I am screwing them up more than I am helping them.

I am not sure what I need to do.. I pray, I read my scriptures, and still I feel like I am fighting a losing battle. Does it get easier? When they are no longer little do they start listening. My sweet little boy when I put him in time out told me, you are mean and not my Mommy. My Mommy is nice, and you aren't. It crushed me. I know he is just a little boy, but it seems like everything I do ends in failure.

It will pass right? I sure hope so. I love them, but they are wearing me down.. so for now, I'm just going to breathe..

My Life Monday-My Name

Week 3 - My parents named me __________ because . . .

When I was born my parents still weren't sure what to name me when I was born. They had been thinking of Kay Lousie, I am personally glad they didn't go with that choice. Then about Durenda Louise. Another one I am grateful they didn't name me, not that I don't like the names, but they just aren't me, if you get what I m saying.
Finally my Grandpa who was named Lee, said why don't you just name her Lee Ann and get it over with. So they did.
My parents did it as two words, spelled the totally normal way, not added letters or anything and you would think people could get it right. They don't. I am either LeAnne, LeeAnne, LeAnn, LeighAne, and the list goes on. Or I am Mr. Lee ...... Yes I get called Mr. A lot by people who don not know me.
When I turned 18 I got letters saying I needed to sign up for the draft. Umm hello, yes I know my first name is Lee, but I am a girl, come and get me if you want, I am not signing up. It totally cracks me up. For those of you wondering what I go by, it depends on who is talking to me. I tend to answer to both. I am told my Dad would have never put a space between it if he had known people would call me Lee, but personally I like it. I loved my Grandpa and I am honored to share the best first name in the world with him.

Cursing my Camera, or maybe Best Buy..

I bought my Canon Digital Camera about 18 months ago. A month ago it quit recognizing memory cards. I bought the extended warranty from Best Buy. So I took it there, and they were like oh it shows your warranty was cancelled. WHAT?? Why would I cancel it? They were all did you return it? Umm, NO, it is here in my hand you moron. I was just slightly irritated. I swear I have the worst experiences there, not sure if I will EVER buy anything there again. Sorry I am digressing from my original point of this post. So finally they get it figured out, and they had a glich, I do have the warranty, after two weeks of fighting them over this and calling corporate. So supposedly it is being fixed..
I am just slightly inpatient, and irritated. Maybe that is an understatement.
Sadly and at the fault of them I am missing all of these great photo ops. Oh how I miss having my camera.
We moved, I missed getting all the pictures of moving in. We have decorated and painted and I want pictures of it all.
My kids are doing super cute stuff, and I can't get pictures of it!! AUGHH!!! It is driving me crazy.
Today for instance, my kids have been astronauts, going to outer space. Guess what they are wearing for Space Helmets? Costco milk boxes. They are using their imaginations so much and just having fun. Didn't know there could be such a creative use for those did ya? They look freaking cute!!
So hopefully my camera will be coming home soon.. I miss it... I need it. I am not a great photographer, but I enjoy capturing the memories.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day. A great day to celebrate our Mother's and also being a Mother. First I need to share about my own Mom, she is really great!

I have the best Mom in the world. I hope I can be the type of Mom to my kids that she was to me. She is a great example of a righteous woman. I can't express how grateful I am for such a wonderful loving Mother who has sacrificed so much for me. I hope that she knows she is the best Mom in the world.

I also have the best husband and kids in the world. Last night Randy took me out on a date. It was wonderful! We got pedicures together. His first one. (Sorry dear to announce that to everyone, but your feet are all nice looking now!! Woot!!) Then we went to dinner had a fantastic time, then off to get my present from him. He knew what he wanted to get me, but wanted to let me choose it to make sure I got what I wanted. So we went to Target and he got me a awesome new clock. It is a huge mahogany framed square clock. It looks terrific in my living room. (I am posting pictures once I get my freaking camera back!!) I am totally thrilled with it.

This morning my kids gave me my present from them. They got me scrapbook stuff. Two leather 12X12 albums, and refill 12X12 paper. I am excited yet totally freaked out on what to do. I do occasional digital scrapbooking and I need ideas on how to do 12X12. So if you have ideas, or links leave them in the comment section please. I am feeling a little inept. I am excited to get it going but now sure if you have to do it differently that the standard 8 1/2 X 11. So since I am handicapped in this department, help!!

My Mother's Day Freaking ROCKED!! To all the other Mom's out there Happy Mother's Day!

Two for Togetherness Tag

Alicia tagged me, so I have something to blog about!

Two for Togetherness Tag

2 Things you compliment your husband on while in his presence.
1. His good looks.
2. His kindness.

2 Compliments you make to your friends about spouse.
1. He helps me out all of the time.
2. He is a hardworker.

2 Traits you married him for.
1. His fun attitude and ability to make me laugh.
2. His kindness to me, and absolute love he had for me.

2 Days you cherished the most with your husband being together.
1. Our wedding day.
2. When the munchkins were born.

2 Material things you would give to your husband if you just inherited a forture.
1. A shot gun, and lots of property to hunt on and fish on.
2. A canary yellow Corvette.

2 Things you would miss the most if he left for two weeks.
(Been there done that)
1. Him.. everything about him from his smell, his touch, his mess. Everything.
2. The companionship.

2 Thoughts that crossed your mind when you first met/saw your spouse.
1. I want to meet him, because he is so cute!!
2. Hopefully he will notice me.

2 Favorite Dates.
1. Our first official date after a week of making out. Olive Garden, Ice skating, and making out!
2. The night we got engaged.

2 Funny odd things that you love.
1. Hmm.. odd?? The way he drives me nuts sometimes.. I would miss it!!
2. Nothing really seems odd, he is just him.

2 Places you have lived with your spouse.
1. In our Condo.
2. In our Home.

2 Favorite Vacations.
1. Disneyland.
2. Honeymoon.

Shelah, Lisa, Misty, and Jane you are tagged!! Can't wait to hear your answers!!

Six Weird Things You May Not Know About Me

I was tagged by Emily so you get to learn six weird things about me.

1. My hands are bigger than my husbands, I can palm a men's regulation basketball no problem. They were bigger than most of the guys I went to High School with.

2. I had 7 surgeries in the first five years Randy and I were married. It has been two years since the last one!! WOOT!!

3. I helped neuter one of our cats when I was in high school, it was pretty cool. I would totally be a vet if I didn't have to go to school for so long, and the whole I am a Mom thing.

4. I was a lab tech pre-kids. I could even draw my own blood.

5. I count everything, always. I have done it for years and I try to make things add up to the age I am, divide, multipy, subtract, anyway I can do it.

6. I like pickles, a lot. Once when I was a kid my brother asked me if I was pregnant because I ate so many. I got all confused because I knew where babies came from, anyways I thought I did.. So I was all freaked out. They are really good with some Parmesan cheese on them.

I think most people I really know have been tagged, so if you read this, you are tagged, that is unless you already did it, I understand.

Blogger Slacker

Me, I am a total slacker. I promise I have great reasons.
1. We moved, and I am trying to get totally settled, and make this house my home, hopefully longer than two years!!
2. I haven't been online a lot and find it easier to spend less time on.
3. My kids, they go crazy if I am on the computer and they are awake, and my friend Alicia keeps telling me I need to go to bed earlier so I will feel better, so my blog and everything are being neglected. Sorry, if you are glad thank her, and if you are sad, blame her.

Since we have moved I have hung curtains, and have more to hang. Guess what I did yesterday and today? I painted my kitchen a nice red color!! I absolutely love it. I also have these great curtains that I got a Target that I am going to hang in there, I think it will look fab!! So it has kept me busy. I know Randy loves that I keep going to Sherwin Williams and coming home with more paint. He is a good sport about it!!

I promise to share some pictures once I get my camera back. It broke, so I sent in to get fixed.. *sigh* I really miss it.

My kids have been totally crazy, but they are really trying. And I am trying harder to be more patient and kind with them. Little man wants to help do everything, I just need to slow down and let him, what a difference it makes. And the Princess, well she just wants to do everything her brother does. They are good helpers, just slower than me, but that will change in time lol. They have been through a lot of change the past six weeks, I think they are finally starting to feel like they are getting their feet on the ground.

Did I mention we moved into the BEST ward ever!! I seriously love it! I have met some really great ladies who are just awesome. We did a break the fast potluck at our house Sunday after Church with our new friends and it was awesome. We have playgroup and it is great. I am so happy to be in a great ward, and I already have a calling, CTR 8. I taught on Sunday, and even though I was a little apprehensive it went well, and I actually think I am really going to like it.

Life is slowly getting back to normal. And I promise, I will try to not be such a slacker.. I still need to do my tag from my friend Emily, hopefully I can get to it this week.. I promise I am not ignoring you!!